Saturday, April 22, 2006
DaDdY'...
Heyz, been quite a long time since i last updated. Really didnt felt like updatin; even tot of deleting this whole blog. But, i didnt hav e heart to. Those tots surfaced cos i don really wanna write my feelings down, jus wanna let things pass each & every single day. Anyway, i'm alrite i guess, tats y i'm bloggin now..=)
A stone's left in my heart. Its something tat would be left there till eternity. Its still something i don quite yet understand. Tats y i didnt 1 2 blog down my feelings, afraid tat e stone would somehow disappear, or surface.
Anyway, its been work & work & slp & eat. Spent most of my time with Josh. Was so glad tat he & i r workin together. Tho he said tat he'll b leavin end of this month, I'd still try to move on. Thr were times whn we 2 jus sat & talked for hours & hours. Tho i did most of e talkin, I could somehow hear Josh's nods & tots. We somehow understood each other's tots, pain, feelings & happiness. I was so glad to hav him thr whn i was alone. Thanks Josh...=)
Last nite after work, I reached home at 1210am. Don really know y but i was feelin a little helpless. In my room, i pushed myself to my limits. Did some physical, tot tat some muscle ache & pain could make me feel better. In e end, i did. Felt a sense of achievement. =) Today, i paid e price willingly. Chest, shoulders & triceps were achin like hell. Couldnt even carry a tray with 2 pint juices in 1 hand without vibrating involunteerily. =/
At work, laughed quite alot. Ppl thr were serious, but crazy whn thr was a chance. Tried out e Mushroom soup & some indian soup. Ate fish & chips & beef mee goreng. Haaz, it was all these hiding in corners savourin e aroma & everyone coverin for everyone tat made work tat enjoyable. Thinkin back, we would inform each other abt e whereabouts of food tat we kept for each other. Its not e food tat taste good, its e news frm buddies' mouth tat made them taste extra special. =)
E flu's going around. Almost 25% of e staff at Tanglin Club were not feelin tat well. Wendy took off yest, after don know how many thousand years since she last took. She was one of e best role models i've ever seen. Tho small built, prob abt 150cm & 30 odd kg, she has e strength & spirit of a guy twice her size. Admirable. Since last week, she has been matchmaking me & Lisi. She also said wat my friends said tat i got wife le, or something like i'm gettin married. Whn i confronted them, they all said no. Must be Wendy made up de. Now, i don dare talk to Lisi. Argg. =/Anyway, pay's delayed again. =(
Dad has been rather down recently. Quarelled with mum. THn 1 nite whn he fetch me home frm work, he talked abt his car, his retirement, his career future & e insurance money i will get whn i reached 21 if anything happens to him. Y do adults like to bring these things up?? E trip home was rather long, dad drove slowly. I felt tat i was rather useless. Dad said tat he hope tat he can break even e amount he owe e bank & sell his present car by end of next yr. Thn he will get another car for 5 years b4 retiring frm drivin. I asked him y 1 2 retire & he did some maths, sayin tat now he's 49. In 6 yrs time he's 55, 'i dont even know if e company still wants me or not'. My heart became v sour. I want to fulfill my Dad's dream of owning & driving a Merc E200. But thinkin tat i only had 6 years to do tat, i couldnt help but shed a tear.
Dad's never really been happy all these years. I don know if all families were like tat. Thr are so many things i wanna do for him, but ultimately, i jus 1 him to be happy, to really smile. He's been thru so much hardship tat i guessed i would nv hav e chance to experience as long as he's still ard cos he would make sure tat i wont fall too deep, starving jus so i could get e luxury stuff i want.
Life's really weird & i've yet to understand. I don 1 my parents to treat me so gd. I don 1 them to be there whn i needed them. I don 1 them to protect me in times of trouble. And yet if u tell anyone on e streets these 3 wishes, 'Siao, parents like tat so gd u still complain. Don 1 give me laz!!', they would say.
Bro's been really odd. I don knw wats got into him but his temper was gettin frm bad to worse. Sometimes i really felt like pickin a fight with him, to tell him wat he's doing is wrong, hell wrong. But i couldnt, knowin tat tat would only strained our relationship. Sometimes i felt like physically assaulting him whn he crossed e border once & again. But i couldnt, knowin tat he had a previous lung problem & tat he would mostly not retaliate. I'm really lost. I don know wat to do with him.
There's nth tat i would wish much for but for everyone tat cared for me, or at least tat i cared for, live lives filled with possibly more laughter than sorrows. From family, friends, bros, cousins & to BD. Mum & Dad to understand each other more & to share more joy thn sadness. I longed for e day whr e 6 of us, includin grandparents, could once again go out for dinner, chattin & laughin, with everyone contributing their share of tots. Tat scene was something tat i took for granted in e past. Now, i longed so much for it to reappear in front of me once again.
Bd's gonna go M'sia soon. Tho we seldom contact now, i still tot of her & prayed for her happiness & everything to be smooth-sailing. I don know wats her decision or wats on her mind or wat she wants. I guess probably she herself also dont. Nevertheless i will still gotta live on. I guess it aint tat impt if we r 2gether or not. If she's happier & less pressured this way, i would be more than willin to comply. Its not tat i don care, its prob cos i care, tats y i chose it. Prob cos i care too much. =)
Its now 3am, & i don feel tired at all. Its weird, esp whn i woke up at 8am today after 4 hours of slp. Haaz, speakin of e devil, am startin to yawn le but i guess i wont slp till i've fnished my prayers. So for now, shall pen off here. Will be back soon, prob whn i get to hav our cousin outin b4 i enter e army & whn we had our DARE3B03 clique gathering. But frm now till then, be happy. Don't let my prayers go unanswered. =)
My BaBy DiNo
(( 3:06 AM ))
Thursday, April 13, 2006
TiReD...
Wa kaoz, dam tired. Ran 2 nitez in a row. I hate off dayz, really nth to do. Like too much energy. Yapz, gt my enlistment letter le, 7th July 9am at Tekong. Hahaz, my life's gonna change. =/Made myself a promise tat i will start trainin e moment i received my letter. Yea, abt 1 week delay le. =P
Yest, don really hav much plans. Slp at 3 plus e nite b4 & woke up at 1pm, 10 hours of slp; like pig manz. Slack awhile, in front of com, in front of piano thn went to buy chicken horfan frm 24 hrs. Was watchin Fun with Dick & Jane as i ate. At 310, dejun called. Sucks, forgot to tell him tt i not workin. Its his 1st day & he's alone. So i rushed down to Orchard to meet him.
Chatted, slacked & walked ard. DJ still haven eat so pei him eat KFC. Really feel like a pig. Was tellin me abt he & his gf. Envious, hahaz. =)
Miz my poly dayz, those crazy classmates, those days where we jus talk rot & 'study'. Met up with alex & david after DJ went to work at 7. Dav started work as a technician at AFS le, hair cut short. =) Met them at Cityhall. Both haven eat yet so pei them eat Burgerking. Wa kaoz, stomach exploding & wallet imploding. Supposed to go watch movie de but e timings don fit. After dinner, Alex bro came.
Kenneth (Alex's bro) yet to take his dinner. Ok tats it, i am not eating le. So went to Carrefour to grab a bite. After tt, David wanna go play arcade. Played some 4 player shooting war game. I was e 1st to die..hahaz =) Thn went over to driving - Outrun 2. David played as if he striked lottery like tt. As we were abt to play e 4 player, a couple, ang mo guy & chinese lady took e seats. They each had 5 coins on e dashboard. Guess its gonna be a long wait.
E 1st 3 races e lady won. Wa kaoz, shame shame manz. Thn e last 2 e guy won. & tats cos he chose a faster car thn hers. Watever laz. So we got our turn, jus 5 min b4 closin. I lead all e way. Thn e last bend david overtook me. Hahaz, sianz..=P
Went home le. Still feel quite energetic. So did some workout thn went run. Today, Dad came back with lunch & watched movie with him. Left at 3. Spent e rest of e day & nite on com & piano. Thn felt like i hav wasted today, so i went to run lorz. Thn now i m back le. Tired. =)
My BaBy DiNo
(( 1:24 AM ))
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
WaT MaKes A MaN StRoNg...
~E Strength of a man isn't in e width of his shoulders, but in e width of his arms tat circle u~
~E strength of a man isn't in e deep tone of his voice, but in e gentle words he whispers~
~E strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has, but how good a buddy he is with his kids~
~E strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work, but how respected he is at home~
~E strength of a man isn't in how hard he hits, but how tender he touches~
~E strength of a man isn't e hair on his chest, but in his heart tat lies within his chest~
~E strength of a man isn't how many women he has loved, but in how well he loves one woman~
~E strength of a man isn't in e weight he can lifet, but in e burdens he can carry~
Saw this article on e Net Buzz section of TNP - Tues, 11 Apr. =)
My BaBy DiNo
(( 1:48 AM ))
Monday, April 10, 2006
It'S BeEn AwHiLe...
Work has been fine. But i guess i'm starting to see e down side of workin. E evil & hypocrite side. It was a learning experience. Sometimes it jus doesnt pay to be too nice. =)
Got enlistment letter le. 7th July to Tekong. Thn 5th July is my SP graduation ceremony. NTU letter came & i got into Mech Eng. Sadz cos cant make it to Aero. =(
And now for me, didnt felt like bloggin actually but tot better pen down my tots baz, at least some of them. =) Hav been feelin rather on & off recently. Made a rather big decision recently. Suddenly its like 1 yr plus of relations jus ended like tat. Hav tot abt it for a rather long time le & i guess tats e best way baz. All tat i knw was 3 ppl were not happy b4 e decision was made. Now, i'm nt sure but i knw 4 sure tat thr couldnt possibly be more thn 3 ppl upset cos of e decision.
Jus read a relevant blog entry. Felt tat prickly feelin whn i read it. Ya, suppose to be tat it shouldnt affect me anymore but it wasnt e case. Aint sure if i should be happy or sad. Aint sure too if they are going back together. Or maybe its still e same cos all along it happens too. Anyway i dont think tt i hv got e rite to do or say anything le. Its been tirin to hope & to get them crushed again.
Maybe its wrong. Maybe its wrong to love someone too much. Its ok. I've learnt it. I know le.
I'm strong. I know tat i am. Gone will be e unhappy past. Hope tt i hv learnt all my lessons le. I jus wished tat Miss will also learn to express herself better, her feelings better, esp to e ppl she really cares abt cos as i've said many times b4, ppl forget things v easily. Tell e ppl ard us how much we care for them. Hahaz, sound like i'm some expert or something. Anyway, i will end here. Smile more everyone!! =)
My BaBy DiNo
(( 1:20 AM ))
Friday, April 07, 2006
God bless me. I miz her...
My BaBy DiNo
(( 2:03 AM ))
Saturday, April 01, 2006
I don really know wat to do. My cousin told me tat he v long nv meet his gf le. Thn they set e date tat they will meet tml. Cousin was really happy & was lookin forward to it like a pri sch kid waitin for sch to end. Thn today she told him tat cant make it, she's going to meet her friends. "Yeah", i told him, "i guess i know how you feel."
"Tell her, tell her how you feel", i said. "Dont 1 laz, I don 1 her 2 feel pressured". "But like tt she maynot even knw tat u r nt really ok with it. She may even feel tat u dont care abt her". "Aiyaz, i don know laz". Yeah, actually, i also don know. I guess wat she needs is freedom baz.
My BaBy DiNo
(( 12:03 AM ))